Words To Live By: Forgiveness

What does it truly take to forgive someone who has wronged you, and what are the biblical truths about forgiveness that we often leave unspoken?

In this sermon on Luke 17:1–4, we unpack four vital realities of forgiveness. The message explores how true forgiveness is rooted in core Christian doctrines—such as our understanding of salvation, the church, and eternal judgment—rather than simple transactions. Discover why biblical forgiveness involves direct, restorative rebuke, why genuine repentance matters, and how forgiveness can exist alongside real-world consequences.

In this episode, we cover:

• The Doctrinal Basis of Forgiveness: Why our capacity to forgive others directly reflects what we believe about God's grace toward us.
• Relational vs. Transactional: How moving away from transactional culture restores the biblical mandate for deep, committed relationships.
• The Role of Biblical Rebuke: Understanding how specific, loving confrontation aims to restore relationships and increase their value.
• Navigating Consequences: Why pardoning an offense does not automatically remove the real-world results or boundaries established by sin.

Be sure to follow us:

Instagram

Facebook

Youtube

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:04

This podcast is brought to you by Grand Parkway Baptist Church, helping people to know, enjoy, and glorify God. For more information about Grand Parkway, visit Grandparkway.org.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Now let's pray together. Lord, uh, what a great note to focus on today, to think about. Oh, praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead. Uh, and so because that has happened, uh, it is the height of hypocrisy for us to bury people under a sea of unforgiveness and bitterness and scorn and gossip and slander. Because you've raised our life, you paid our debt, and you raised our life up from the dead. It could have been so different for us. It could have been so different for us, but apart from Jesus. And so we stand before you now is the clean, paid-for people of God. We're not just forgiven, we've been made right forever with God. We don't have to do good to out outweigh the bad. The cross took care of all of that, and it turned math into music. And so, God, turn up the volume on the music today. Let us hear it, let it emanate from your word by your spirit into our head and our heart and find expression in our hands this week. This is our prayer, God. We pray it in Jesus' name, and everyone said, Amen. Amen. You can have a seat. If you've got a Bible, I invite you to take it and open up to Luke chapter 17. Luke chapter 17. If you don't have a Bible, it's okay. Everything I say is gonna come up on the screen up here. If you're a guest, we're in a series right now called Words to Live By. Words to Live By. And every week we take a different word and we just kind of look at it. And the word this week is forgiveness. Forgiveness. And I want to talk to you. Uh that's the word, but the title for the sermon is Things We Don't Say About Forgiveness. Things we don't tell you about forgiveness that are clearly right in the Bible. But I want to begin with a letter and then a definition. Uh, really, it's not a letter, it's a journal entry. Uh, this is a pastor who was reading something in the Bible and was so struck by how hard it was for him to actually do what the Bible said, that he just wrote about it in his journal because dudes, women have diaries, men have journals. Amen? Uh, dudes don't diary. We don't write a diary, we just have a journal. And so this is what this pastor wrote in his journal. He read this passage of the Bible, Matthew 18, verse 21. Then Peter came up to Jesus and said, Lord, how often will my brother sin against me and I forgive him? As many as seven times, Jesus said to him, I do not say seven times, but seventy times seven. And then the pastor writes, Dear Lord Jesus, this scripture jumps off the page at me today, especially after seeing an incredible production of Le Miz last night. Though I'm quite familiar with both the play and these verses, I relish them both because forgiveness is as daily as breathing, eating, and sleeping. I know I sin against you in thought, word, and deed every hour of every day. I also know, hallelujah, that you've already forgiven all of my sins, past, present, and future. On the cross you took the fullness of our sin, and by faith I received the gift of your righteousness. I can't hear this good news too much or too often. When we confess our sins to you now, you're neither informed nor shocked. And there's no chance we'll ever exhaust your patience and kindness, mercy and grace. Greater riches cannot be found anywhere else. Jesus, right now, I need to draw on my standing in grace and the power of the gospel because I'm right in the middle of a couple of 70 times seven forgiveness scenarios. My joy and my freedom are on the line. You're about to get real up in here. I've forgiven this person seven times, but now I smell the stench of self-righteous smugness in my attitude. If I threw my heart into cruise control, I would gossip and enjoy the thought of them falling flat on their face. I'd like to have a pastor like that. My inner Javer wants the law to prevail over grace. In short, Jesus, I'm a mess. Writing this prayer shows me just how cold and ugly my heart can be. Are you aware of how cold and ugly your heart can be? Some of you are like, I tell you what, I didn't come to church to be asked that. Writing this prayer shows me just how cold and ugly my heart can be, but also how much greater is your forbearance and love. Come, Holy Spirit, come and apply the power of the gospel to my convicted heart. Slay the wicked servant in me, humble me, gentle me, settle me, focus me, free me. I choose yet again to forgive and forgive some more. Love in me and through me for the glory of God. So very amen, I pray in Jesus' holy and tender name. This is a person who has grappled with what it looks like to forgive somebody. I want to give you a definition and I'm gonna read the text and we'll jump in and talk about things we don't say about forgiveness. Here's my working definition of forgiveness. Forgiveness is a commitment by the offended to pardon graciously the repentant for moral liability and to be reconciled to that person, although not all consequences are necessarily eliminated. Let me say it again. It's a lot. Now you should just pick out a part of that that you should ask yourself over lunch today. Hey, what part of that definition kind of rubbed you the wrong way? You want me to go first? Sure, okay, I'll go first. And to be reconciled to that person. It's easier just to forgive people and say, hey, peace, peace, peace be with you. Go in peace, my brother, uh, and not have to be in a relationship with them because if you if you're reconciled to them, then they may they may sin against you again. And there's no guarantee that they won't. Forgiveness is a commitment by the offended to pardon graciously, the repentant for moral liability and to be reconciled to that person, although not all consequences are necessarily eliminated. Now, uh what do what are you coming from with this? Luke chapter 17, Jesus is talking in verse one, and he said to his disciples, Temptation to sin are sure to come, but woe to the one through whom they come. It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were cast into the sea that he should cause one of these little ones to sin. Pay attention to yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him. And if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in the day and turns to you seven times, saying, I repent, you must forgive him. There's four things in the text about forgiveness that I don't think we say about forgiveness. And the first one is this forgiveness is doctrinal. Forgiveness is doctrinal. It involves your doctrine, which is okay, it involves my doctrine. What's my doctrine? Your core beliefs, what you really believe. So when someone sins against you, now let me just ask. Maybe I've never been sinned against, okay? Is anybody here, has anybody ever sinned against you? Say amen. Is anybody ever sinned against you in ways that you just thought, I thought no, and this person's my friend or whatever. I thought that would never happen. Say amen. Anybody here ever struggle with forgiving somebody? Say amen. Yes, yes. And so you say, what do you mean when I say forgiveness is doctrinal? When someone sins against you, your belief structure is on display. When I say belief structure, what you really believe about some of the core doctrines or beliefs of Christianity are most on display. And because of that, when you get sinned against, don't just focus on what this person did or what they said. Focus on what you believe. Let me say that again. Don't just focus on what they they they they said or what they did. Focus on what you believe because this is where you find the capacity to forgive. Like, here's three of your beliefs that are on display when it comes to forgiveness. Number one, your soteriology. You're like, great. Another word I don't understand. Relax. Uh, it's it's salvation or conversion. How you believe, you come to faith, how God forgave you is really at the core of your soteriology. Uh, because the Bible God expects us to forgive as we've been forgiven. Now, I'll talk about this a little bit more later in the sermon, but God is relational, he's not transactional. And forgiveness is a relational reality, it's not a transactional. It's like, hey, bro, you sinned against me. Say you're sorry. Okay, you're forgiven. Try harder and don't do it anymore. No, no, no. Forgiveness is about the relationship. And God is a relational being, so he's always coming at it from the perspective of the relationship. So when I want to think about my capacity to forgive people, I have to go back to my conversion experience and remind myself how God forgave me. The Bible talks about it all through the New Testament, even in the Old Testament. But here's an example in the New Testament, Ephesians chapter four. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. You see, it takes you back to that relational component as God in Christ has forgiven you. So, what's first of all on display is your doctrine of salvation about how you were converted. What was your experience with forgiveness? Because the Bible never asks you to do anything you're incapable of doing. Let me say that again. The Bible never asks you and I to do something we're not capable of doing. So when I say forgiveness is doctrinal, then some core beliefs that you and I have that are central to the Bible are on display. Number one, your soteriology. Secondly, your ecclesiology. Another big word. Thanks for that, bro. It's Super Bowl Sunday, okay? I got a brisket on the green eggs. Hurry up. Uh when I say ecclesiology, what I mean? It's your doctrine of the church. On what basis do we have a responsibility to each other if we aren't members of the body of Christ, the church? Now, here's the problem in our culture today, okay? Stay with me. We've taken everything that belonged to a relationship out of the context of the relationship, and therefore we no longer need the relationship. Let me show you again. We've taken everything that belongs to the relationship, like this cup right here. I don't want the cup, I want the water that's in the cup. And when I'm done with the water, what am I gonna do with the cup? I'm gonna throw it away. Sure. I'm not gonna take it home and kind of go, hey, I drank out of this cup, honey. You want this? You wanna save it? No. What we've done is we've taken everything that belongs in the context of a relationship, like marriage. Start right there. Marriage is one of the things we've taken everything that belongs in the in the context of a relationship out of the relationship, and so we no longer need the relationship. You no longer need marriage. It sounds like this. Well, I don't need a piece of paper to tell me I'm married. Yes, you've taken what belongs, and what you're saying is, I want to violate, I want to take what belongs to marriage out of marriage, and I want to enjoy it, okay? Because this is how we become a transactional culture, not a relational culture. And so we've we've gutted marriage of everything marriage once was because we took what belonged to marriage out of marriage and we enjoyed over here. So who needs marriage anymore? Uh now this is that that doesn't bother anybody, but now it's happened in the workplace. The workplace is transactional. Companies are moving to just all they have is consultants. You work from home, pay your own insurance. They are reducing the bottom line. I remember about a year ago, you get online, all you see, these Google employees, the day in the life of a Google employee. Oh, I get there and I have a hot latte, and then I get a yogurt, and of course, this is all free, and I have pizza and vegetables, and this is all free because it's here in the cafeteria. And oh, I go in the butterfly room and I post some and I work a little bit, and then I get a massage and a massage chair, then I meet friends for cocktails, and I have dinner at seven, and then I go home to my Soho high rise. Get on Google now and type in the same thing a day. They're all crying because they got fired. Now, am I rejoicing over people got fired? No, I'm not. What I'm saying is Google and all these other tech companies realized we got a bunch of dead weight on a payroll. Look at me, and they're transactional. So they've laid off between Google and Apple and all these other companies about 50,000 people. Why? Because there's no sense of loyalty. There's no, it's not a relationship, it's a transaction. You provide a service, and as soon as we can find somebody that provides it cheaper, we will outsource it to Singapore and say goodbye to you. Yes, that's just the way it happened. Now, we didn't bother when it happened in marriage. Now it's starting to bother people. Like some people asked me last week, they said, Did you really hire Blake in October and he started in June? Yes. Yes, because the church by nature is relational, should always be relational, should not be transactional. Like, hey, we're just trying to just want to execute a transaction here. You see, it but now this same kind of transactional thinking has come to the church. I hear this all the time. Well, I don't have to go to church. Uh, I'm a Christian, I ain't got to be part of a church. I would just say this: get ready to be offended and then be then be proven wrong, okay? Get ready. Uh, here's your opportunity. Uh people say, Well, I don't have to go to church if I'm a Christian. I would say this: you're not a Christian apart from the church. And I would say the Bible bears that out. You say, What do you mean? When you come to faith, you become part of the church, capital C. The church is not a building you come to, it's a people that you are. So if church is not something, you I mean, if this is who you are, not what you go to according to the Bible, and it is. So when you say, Well, I'm a Christian, I don't have to go to church to be a Christian, what you're saying is I don't want to be who the Bible says I am. So you're really a house divided against itself. It's kind of hard to take that seriously. But again, this is the transactional nature of our culture. Nothing belongs to a relationship anymore. You don't even have to have long friendships. I read a study the other day, they said that the average uh length of a friendship has dwindled over the past 20 years to where it's like 18 months. I have a friend that his mom and dad and two other couples had dinner every Sunday night for 37 years. Think about that. Y'all are kind of like, uh every Sunday night? Yes. Yes, every Sunday night, because we've gone from being relational to being transactional. Everything's a transaction. I I'm I'm gonna come out ahead. And so when it happens in marriage, we start with marriage, like it's no big deal, you know, we're consenting adults or whatever, and then it gets in the workplace. Now it's in the church. And I just want to say again, forgiveness is doctrinal. Your ecclesiology, what you believe about the church is on display when it comes to forgiveness. Here's another uh uh belief that's on display: your eschatology. Your eschatology, another big word, means the end times, the final judgment, the destiny of humanity. Uh now, sometimes I know the right thing to do, and I don't always want to do the right thing immediately. Does that make sense? Say amen. Uh now I know all of you that it just when something happens immediately, you're like, oh, this is the right thing to do. Like, for example, this happened years ago. We'd been married like 10 minutes. We're like in our first year of marriage, but I was traveling and preaching all over the country, and uh a friend of mine reached out and said, Hey, uh, there's a rumor going around that you and your wife have separated. And I was like, Where else is my wife gonna go for the words of life? I mean, who started this foul rumor? Uh and so actually, I was going to I went and spoke at an event, and my wife dropped me off at the airport, and the guy said, Yeah, uh, so and so was spreading this rumor at a homecoming thing. And I was like, Yeah, I know that guy. I don't really know him. He's kind of acquainted, but but now my wife dropped me off at the airport. We're good. He goes, Are you sure? And I said, Uh, would I lie about this? Uh and so yeah, I get to the camp and I'm there, and he's like, Yeah, and so-and-so, and so and so and so. And so I my my first initial response wasn't great. I was kind of like, I don't care what you say about me, but don't talk about my wife, man. Come on. Uh and so it took me about 30, 40 minutes, maybe a day and a half, to be like, okay, calm down, calm down, calm down. Uh and so I saw the guy later that summer. I said, Hey, listen, I don't know where you got your information, but my wife and I have never been separated. We're very happily married. We've only been married like six months, okay? Give us some time before it gets it gets hard, all right? Well, I'm just what I heard. I'm just saying what I heard. And I'm like, oh, yeah. Oh, I want to hurt you in bad ways. Uh yes, yes, that was a long time ago. I'm more sanctified now. Uh, but I was like, well, I I don't I don't know why you're saying. Uh but a friend of mine that was at the camp by said, he came to me and he said, So what are you gonna do? I said, What am I gonna do? I'm gonna forgive him. He goes, I mean, can I ask you why? And I said, Yeah, because I don't want to go to hell. Now, you may be thinking, you're being funny. No, I'm not. You say, What do you mean? Sometimes I have to take a sharp stick and just gouge myself with it to kind of get myself to move, because I believe that. What do you mean? Matthew chapter 6, verse 11. Part of this will sound familiar. This is the Lord's prayer, part of it. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For if you forgive others, listen to this. If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, their sins, neither will your father forgive your trespasses. And the guy said, What's it got to do with the situation? I said, I don't want to go to hell. Now, by the way, look at me. The Bible's not saying that forgiveness is conditional, like, hey, if you don't forgive, God's going to go back and take his forgiveness away. Look at me. The Bible's saying that you've been forgiven, so now you have the capacity and the responsibility to forgive other people. Does that make sense? And so I said to my friend, I said, I don't want to go to hell. I said, I've been forgiven. Oh, I'm not focusing on that. That's so ridiculously goofy. I'm sorry people gossip like that. I have an incredibly satisfying marriage. I don't care what anybody else says. Things you can call my wife, she's at home right now, all right? But I have to forgive. Why? Because I've been forgiven. Proof that I've been forgiven is not that I remember when I prayed the prayer. Proof that I've been forgiven is I'm a forgiving person. Even when people slander me and sin against me in obviously wrong ways, and I'm just like, ah, and by the way, it doesn't stop there. About nine months, ten months later, his wife guy's wife left him. And somebody called me and said, Hey man, remember so-and-so? He was talking smack about you, spreading rumors about you and your wife. I said, Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember that, but I have forgiven that guy. Well, I just want you to know, you know, well, you know what they say about payback. And I was like, uh, well, his wife left him. And my heart was so sad. And I said, Do you have his number? Well, yeah. What are you gonna do? I just want to call him and check on him, man. His wife left him. I don't know how he's doing. So I called him and I said, Hey, this is Neil. And he goes, Hey, uh, and I said, Relax, man. I'm I I said, I'm I'm just calling to be a Christian. I heard what happened. I'm so sorry, you didn't need anything, you need to help paying your mortgage this month because he lost his job. When you work at a church and your wife lose leaves you, they typically fire you. Welcome to church. And he said, Yeah, I I got a mortgage and I don't, I got kids and I don't have a job. And I said, Well, Marcy and I would gladly help you pay your mortgage for a couple months to get a plan figured out. And he said, Can I ask why you would do this? Because this is what the gospel makes me capable of. Okay, I had visions of harming you about a year ago, and I rolled them around in my head and I enjoyed them. Yes, I did. And he laughed and said, I don't know what to say. I mean, you ain't gotta say anything. Because again, look at me. For me to be forgiven, when someone sins against you, I you can't not focus on what they what they said or did. But when it comes to forgiveness, you need to focus on what you believe because forgiveness is first and foremost, it's doctrinal. Secondly, forgiveness is involved. Forgiveness is involved. What do you mean? Look at verse 3. Verse 3 says, pay attention to yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him. Underline those two little words, rebuke him. It's involved, it's not just a transaction. Oh, yeah, you sin. No, rebuke him. When someone sins against you, you are to rebuke them. This is not something we talk about much in the church these days. Uh uh, but the word rebuke there, it's a Greek word, epitomyo, epitomyo, and it has two definitions. One of the definitions will sound very familiar. One definition is to admonish or charge sharply. Okay? Here's the one maybe we're not so familiar with. Look at me. It means to raise the price of. To raise the price of. So when you rebuke somebody, a friend of yours, or a family member, or your spouse or somebody for their sin, you're speaking to them directly and saying, Hey, it's not okay that you did this. Matter of fact, this is sin. It's not just a difference of opinion, this is wrong, and you need to repent. That is a rebuke. Now ask yourself this question: When's the last time you got rebuked? Now, rebuke it isn't like blowing somebody up in the name of Jesus. It's again, increasing the value to you're raising the price of. See, my concern, the reason we have so many short-term, short-run friendships and relationships is that we don't know how to raise the price of our friendships by practicing what the Bible calls for. We have a falling out and it's over, and it's just like, hey, let's just divide. You take these friends, you take these friends, and we're not going to talk anymore. Beloved, the gospel makes you and I capable of more. Does that make sense to anybody but me? It's sad. It's sad. It's gone from a friendship with a length of years to now. The average friendship is less than 19 months. Because people just get sideways and they can't do anything about it. Now, by the way, to rebuke, it's not a license to go around pointing out everyone's faults. No, no, no. A biblical rebuke, you're out to increase the value of the relationship. And here, this is what a biblical rebuke involves. It involves three things. Number one, it's limited to specific, observable behavior. Specific, observable behavior. It's not your opinion or your feelings. Like I hear this a lot in counseling. Well, I mean, he has no idea how this has made me feel. And I said, before you always say, before you focus on how you feel, and one person said to me recently, what's more important than how I feel? A lot of things. A lot of things. If that's a news flash to you, then you you you you we gotta start somewhere else. Yeah, yeah. Focus on what they did and then how it made you feel. Because if all you do Focus on how you feel. You're really teaching your partner how to disregulate dysregulate you in the relationship. Focus at specific, observable things. Like this past week, uh, we practiced full disclosure here. Uh, and so last week during this service, my voice started going out. I was kind of like, Am I going through purity? What's going on? I go home, I'm eating lunch, my wife is an orthopedic surgeon, she's a psychiatrist, and she's a medical doctor. And she looks at me and she says, I think you need to take a COVID test. And I said, You need to go to crazy town, lady, get out of here. Uh she comes back in five minutes later, she's jamming something up my nose, putting drops in there. Positive. I tested positive for COVID last Sunday afternoon. And so she said, Oh, today is day zero. Because I like the rules. I think rules are good. My wife memorizes the rules. She loves the rules. So she says, Today is day zero. You got a quarantine for five days. That's why I couldn't be at night to shine, which I hated that, missing that. But about day two, and man, she says, You got a quarantine in our bedroom. And I'm in my mind, I'm like, so you get the whole house and I get the bedroom. Okay. Yeah, you're sick, and I'm gonna punish you. So day two, I climbed out the bedroom window and got in the backyard. You thought I robbed the bank. Get back in that bedroom. I was like, isn't vitamin D good for you? So I have to forgive my wife for locking me up in prison for a week. No. Specific observable behavior. Uh no, here's another thing. It avoids the use of words like always and never. Or you always, you never. Hey, look at me. When you rebuke somebody, you want to give them the hope that this is not who they are. You don't want to make it sound like, oh, this is you always do this, or you never. No one enjoys that conversation. Thirdly, it has as its goal restoration, not condemnation. Has as its goal restoration, not condemnation. Now, uh, I didn't uh, well, I shortly after I became a Christian, I went back and worked at the camp where I was converted, a Christian camp. Uh, and I had an experience with this because we had curfew. We had curfew. It was like 11 o'clock some nights on weekends, it was midnight. And so a bunch of us, we go to town, we go goof around, we play basketball. I'm walking back one night with another guy, we've been playing basketball. We're about here to that back door from the mint from the guy's dorm, and our head guy's counselor standing on the porch, and we're talking, and he goes, Hey guys, curfew just happened. It's midnight. We're like, Yeah, yeah, we're here. We walked in, didn't think anything about it. Next night, same thing. We're a little bit further down the road. Uh and I said, Hey, we gotta go head into the dorm because it's curfew, it's midnight, and we're walking. We're probably about this far from the and I said, he said, hey guys, it's curfew, and I said, Yeah. The next morning, the camp director, a man named Blaine Parsons, old man with a beard. He walks over to our table, we're eating breakfast, and he goes, Hey, you two be in my office as soon as you're done eating my food. And just walked off. And it was those two little words, my food. I just thought, hmm, there's a disturbance in the force. Yeah, there was. I'd never heard him raise his voice up to this point. I'd been at the camp like four, four weeks, like a month. He walked in and sit down, he goes, I got a problem. You know what? I I got two problems today. One's right here and one's right here. And I don't like problems, boys, okay? Tell me what what exactly is curfew? And he lit into us for about the better part of 20 minutes. And it was just a good chewing. I'll just say it like that. It was up one side and down the other. And I tried to say, Well, I mean, we're like 30 seconds. He goes, The rules are the rules, son. You think your personality's so big and animated, and you're so funny, the rules don't apply to you. My God, son, how much do you want God to trust you? Are you just going to interpret the rules according to Neil the rest of your life? I was 18. One of the greatest conversations I'd had up to that point in my life. Because I would open my mouth and say something. He goes, and do not talk back. I don't want to hear it. And I'm just like, and then he said, and by the way, today's work day, it's Saturday. We work, we cut the grass, we clean the camp, work is a privilege. You don't get to work. You go to your room and you close the door and you exist in an environment where Neil gets to do whatever Neil gets to wants to do, and Neil submits to Neil. It will be paradise for you, son. And I went to my room and I cried because I was like, I hate this feeling. And he goes, You can come out at dinner. Now I came out at dinner. Now, by the way, that same person, I was 18. 35 years later, he called me and asked me to bury his wife. Now, when he was pastor in a church in Red River, New Mexico, he called me four years in a row. Is that fair? Four years in a row. I want you to come teach the word to my people, Neil, Sunday through Wednesday. Bring your family, take them snowmobiling out in the fields. You got free running the place. You can go tubing, you can go skiing, you can go snowmobiling. There's a wealthy family in our church, has a house, one of their two or three homes is up here. You can stay there for free. You can come anytime you want. That all started in that conversation where that man loved me enough to rebuke me. Again, he wasn't blowing me up, he was raising the price on the relationship and saying, dear. Because when I got out and I came to dinner, I was going through the line, and he's about two people in front of me, and I was kind of like, hey, uh, Blaine, I just wanted to say it. He goes, son, I distinctly remember forgetting what we talked about this morning. He's just getting his food. I followed him over to his table and sat down. Hey, I just, I just, I mean, he said, son, what are you fixing to tell me if it's got anything to do with this morning? I don't want to hear it because I distinctly remember forgetting this morning. Now, I was like, Where in the world? And it didn't happen dawn on me until I think it was a couple years ago. There's a guy in our church said, Hey, I've got a friend that's in student ministry out in California. You want to go out and see us ministry? I'm like, California? Sure. It's like a mission trip. That place needs Jesus. So me and a couple guys in the church jump on a plane, fly out to California. We're sitting there, the guy's name is Rip. Rip is like, I think he's in his 60s doing student ministry, which I thought was great. And he's teaching, so we go to his little Wednesday night Bible study, and I'll never forget. He was, he had hand motions and gestures, and I flashed back. I kind of just blocked my friends down. I flash back to Blame Parsons because Blame Parsons did this. Because what Rip was teaching his kids was hey, there's four promises you make when you forgive somebody, and they're this. Number one, I will not dwell on this incident. Number two, I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you. Number three, I will not talk to others about this incident. How are you doing with that one? Yeah. Number four, I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship. Now, don't you do me a favor? I want everybody in this church to hold your hand up. One hand up in the air, real high. Leave it up. Now, I'm gonna read these statements again. And when you're guilty of one of them, won't you take your hand down, okay? Leave your hand up. Look around right now while your hands are up, it ain't gonna take long. These are promises you make when you forgive somebody. Now, if you broke up one of these promises, you got to take your hand down when I read it. I will not dwell on this incident. Boy, you some sinners in here. So you and me, Clint. I will not bring up this incident again or use it against you. Oh, did I tell you I've got a photographic memory? I will not talk to others about this incident. Okay, let me get lower. I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our partial relationship. Here's the thing capture me. Rip, the guy, he he he had he had hand gestures for the whole thing, teaching his students. Can you imagine students going to a high school where everybody in your school practice this? Y'all are like, uh, you've not been to my school. Yeah. I just want us to be a church. Because why? Because forgiveness is involved. It's involved, it's not just a transaction, it's a relationship. Third thing we don't tell you about forgiveness, forgiveness is conditional. Some of you are like, oh, do tell. Look right here in verse 3. Pay attention. If your brother sins, rebuke him. If he repents, forgive him. If he repents, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, the German theologian, said cheap grace is the preaching of forgiveness without requiring repentance. What do you mean? What is biblical repentance? Let me give you a definition. Biblical repentance means to change behavior as a result of a complete change of thinking and attitude. Again, biblical repentance means to change behavior as a result of a complete change of thinking and attitude. I'd never miss curfew ever again. Not because I got myself chewed on. I deserve that. Because it changed the way I think. I wanted to be trusted more. I didn't want people to have to follow up and check on me and say, hey, is it is he in before curfew? No, no, no. The way you think changes, and therefore the way you live changes. And so forgiveness is conditional. If someone, now you can't keep moving the goalpost and saying, oh, he hadn't done this, he hadn't done this. No, no, no. The biblical standard is it's a change in your thinking that produces a change in your behavior. And when there's a change in behavior, for you to withhold forgiveness is for you to sin. And so don't look, let's don't get it twisted here. People say, well, how do we know if they change their mind? Because their behavior will change as well. And here's the last thing, and I'm done. Forgiveness doesn't eliminate consequences. Forgiveness does not eliminate consequences. You don't have to stay in the friendship or the relationship sometimes to prove that you've forgiven that person. Oftentimes the consequence of sin is the loss of the relationship or a change in the status of the relationship. For a lot of people who get sinned against, this is often an obstacle because they think forgiveness obligates them to the same level of relationship. I couldn't tell me people I've seen in council, they're like, well, my pastor's saying that I've got to be best friends with that person again. I'm like, I don't think that's biblical. No. Sometimes there's a consequence. A guy came to see me way back and he worked for a man that was a Christian. He held a building supply like a lumber yard, uh, but it's building supply. And great guy, he's known for being a Christian. Well, the guy had been stealing from him for like four years. I mean, he was like cutting people deals and taking money out the back door and giving stuff away and stealing stuff. And so they did an audit and they started realizing, hey, something's not right here. And so they found out and they called the guy in and they fired him. And the guy said, As a believer, I forgive you, but you violated my trust. You can no longer work here. I wish you nothing but the best. I'm not going to press charges. I know how much it does to the penny. Okay. But you're no longer, can no longer work here. The guy who steals for four years, welcome to America, is is like, oh, I can't believe this Christian man won't forgive me. Oh, he forgave you. Well, then why am I fired? Because you're a thief. And so he comes to see me and says, Hey, I need to get counseling because I can't believe this Christian man is not doing right by me. And I said, Okay, tell him what happened. Well, I mean, yeah, I mean, I took some stuff from work. I said, You took some stuff. What was the value of what you took? Well, I mean, like total? Yeah, total. About 70? Thousand? Yeah, I mean, over four years. That doesn't make it any any better. My gosh, you're you're trying to micromanage this. You're a thief and an oppression management guy, okay? And he goes, Well, I mean, I just he's a Christian. Should he forgive me? Yes, you're forgiven. But sin has consequences. So I got two words for you, bro. You're forgiven and you're fired. And you know what? You deserve to be fired. Why? Because sin has consequences. And I'm not piling on this guy. He goes, I don't have a job. You should have thought about that before you stole from a man that gave you a job. My God, son, what's wrong with you? You're gonna go over here and lecture me about your bad boss? I wouldn't hire you. Why am I saying all this? Here's why I'm done. Think about the consequences the next time you're tempted to sin. Because forgiveness doesn't eliminate the consequences. And here's the last thing I'll say about that. The consequences go on long after you're done sinning and even after you're forgiven. And you don't want that. So just think about it. See, things we don't tell you about forgiveness is hard work. It doesn't limit the consequences. It's conditional. If this person repents, well, if they don't repent, you're gonna have to forgive that person. Matter of fact, you should avoid that person. Scripture says treat them like a tax collector, like somebody that lives outside the confines of the gospel. Okay? Let's pray together. If you're a guest, just relax. We like to teach the Bible and give you some space to think about it. Some questions come up on the screen. That is for us to think about and process. Next time we meet in our community groups, let me voice a prayer and let's just think for about a minute here. Holy Spirit, thank you that the Bible gets down into the nooks and crannies where we live and it informs how we live, how we forgive people. And God, the Bible's very clear. By forgiving us, it was the most indicting and incredible thing you could ever do. Because now we know what it's like to be forgiven, have that burden lifted off of us. And now we're responsible for giving that to other people as well. So, Lord, Holy Spirit, just brood over us for a moment while we think about this. God, you always take us down to the heart of the matter. For that, we're grateful. And so, Lord, even if they don't love us anymore, remind us that we're not released from doing the right thing. We've been forgiven, and we now have the capacity to forgive. Thank you for people that you've brought across my path over the years, like Blaine and Rip, and other people who just have modeled forgiveness for me. And forgetting, not bringing it up, and not letting it become an issue between us, and never referencing it ever again, almost like it never happened. But that's just what you do. So they stole that from you. And I pray for all of us today that we would steal that from you as well. And become forgiving, forgiven people. Pray this in Christ's name. And everyone said, Amen. Amen. If you're our guest today, I'll say thanks for being here. You're always welcome. Always welcome, okay? If you have any questions about anything you saw or heard today, some of our pastors will be available down front here in just a minute when you're dismissed. We'd love to answer any questions, pray with you about anything you got going on. We've got some things going on in the life our church want you to know about. So give your attention to our video announcements this morning.

SPEAKER_01 36:59

Here's a look at what's happening at Grand Parkway Baptist Church. If you're new, text welcome to 281-626-5707. This way we can know you're here and get you connected with the church. Redeeming Heartache Conference registration is open and spots are filling up. Register at theallendercenter.org slash events. Human trafficking is a huge issue that is taking place in our communities. Our anti-trafficking mission partners, The Landing, will be putting on an informational gathering about human trafficking and how you can be part of the fight next Sunday, February 19th at 1030 a.m. in the Fellowship Hall. See you then. Beginning March 5th, Bible Studies for Fifth Grade through adults will move from 9 a.m. to 1030 a.m. This will help balance attendance in our services and make room for those who are new. Thanks for helping serve in this way. If you have any questions or want someone to pray for you, find one of our pastors at the front of the stage at the conclusion of our service.

SPEAKER_00 38:06

Some of you may not know where the fellowship hall is. It's in the building, our old sanctuary building, right over here. That's where the meeting on human trafficking is going to be next week at 1030 to 11:30. So during the service time, it's going to be over there. We'd love for you, if you have any interest, curiosity, or questions, we'd love for you to be a part of that meeting at 10:30 next Sunday. We'd like to conclude our service with a spoken blessing. So stand to your feet if you would. Hold your hands out. Rent's got to get home and watch the Eagles. So hurry, people. Hey, by the way, let me say this. Look at me. I'm so proud of you for the way you responded to our soup drive. All if you're visiting today, like what's the deal with soup out here? All that soup we collected for an organization here in Rosenberg called, or actually in Richmond, called Helping Hands. It's a food pantry that distributes food to the under-resourced in our city. And so all that soup is going to be picked up tomorrow by some chucks and trucks, and they're going to take it out there and unload it. Better than mics on bikes, right? Hold your hands out. In Christ, you have forgiveness and freedom and cleansing and opportunity to give all those things to anybody that sins against you if they repent. Do not withhold from others what God so graciously gave you. In the name of the Father and the Son, the Holy Spirit. Amen. Bless you.